Let me say this plainly:
I am tired.
Tired of watching women shrink themselves to fit into boxes they didn’t build.
Tired of the endless suggestions, criticisms, and double standards.
Tired of how we still — somehow — treat women’s existence like it needs permission.
Everywhere I look, there’s a message for women about how to “be”:
“Smile more.”
“Don’t be too emotional.”
“Be confident, but not too loud.”
“Dress for success—but don’t show too much skin.”
“Be ambitious, but stay likable.”
“Be a great mom—or explain why you’re not one.”
It’s 2025. Why are we still doing this?
We Don’t Call It Control, But That’s What It Is
We like to package it as “advice.”
We wrap it in tradition.
We hide it behind the words “professional,” “respectable,” or “feminine.”
But at the root of all these expectations is one thing: control.
We are still trying to control how women show up in the world.
We ask them to edit themselves in real time — soften their voice, rehearse their tone, balance strength with sweetness. We ask them to make their power smaller so no one feels threatened by it.
It’s not just tiring. It’s suffocating.
And It’s Everywhere
It shows up in job interviews, in TikTok comments, in church pews, in family group chats.
A woman gets a promotion — and someone says she must’ve been “aggressive.”
A mother posts a photo of her postpartum body — and gets unsolicited fitness tips.
A woman decides not to have kids — and is asked, “But won’t you regret it?”
A young girl speaks up — and is told to “watch her attitude.”
It’s like the world still believes a woman’s value depends on how comfortable she makes everyone else feel.
This Is Not Just Annoying. It’s Harmful.
These messages don’t disappear. They embed themselves deep.
They teach women to apologize for their ambition.
To second-guess their instincts.
To view their bodies as public property.
To silence their ideas in rooms full of men.
To hold back.
The cost is invisible, but heavy. And we’re all paying it.
Here’s What I Know:
Women don’t need to be told how to exist.
They are existing — boldly, imperfectly, beautifully — already.
They are building companies, raising kids, choosing not to, starting over, falling apart, speaking up, resting, resisting.
And every version of that is valid.
So maybe instead of telling women how to be, we could ask:
What do you need right now?
How can we support your full self, not just the palatable parts?
Because women don’t need more rules.
They need freedom.
To show up messy.
To take up space.
To stop performing.
To just be.
Let’s retire the old script.
And finally, finally — let women live.
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